The following was written shortly after my first job...
\/\The Conscience of a Slacker/\/
[ Kobal2 & dek\ ]
Written on May 26, 2003
Another one signed today, it's all over the company's bulletins.
"Slacker made to work on a computer", "Banker drives slacker to work"...
Damn kids. They are all alike.
But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain, ever
take a look behind the eyes of the slacker ? Did you ever wonder what made
him sleep, what forces piss him off, what may have molded him?
I am a slacker, enter my world...
Mine is a world that begins with school...I'm lazier than most of the other kids, this crap they teach us tire me...
Damn underachiever. They're all alike.
I'm in elementary school. I've slept while teachers explained for the
15th time how to reduce a fraction. I just don't get it. "No, Ms. Smith,
I didn't do my work. I don't give a fuck..."
Damn kid. Probably didn't understand. They're all alike.
I made a discovery today. I found a bigger bed. Wait a second, this is
cool. It does what I want it to. If I make nightmares, it's because I'm
stressed. Not because it doesn't like me..
Or feels tired by me,
Or think I'm lazy...
Or doesn't like teaching and should be asleep...
Damn kid. All he does is sleeping. They're all alike.
And then it happened...a door opened to the world...rushing through my
pillow like caffeine through a businessman's veins a lazy pulse is sent
out, a refuge from the day-to-day incontinencies is sought. A waterbed is
"This is it... this is where I belong..."
I know what to do now...Even if I don't go anywhere, do anything, may never do a thing again...
Damn kid. Tying up a hamac again. They're all alike...
You bet your ass we're all alike...We've been spoon-fed career options at school when we hungered for sleep... the bits of work that you did let slip through tasted wrong. We've been dominated by our bosses, or denied the right to be apathetic. The few that didn't care about teaching us let us sleep, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.
This is our world now...The world of the pillow and the bedsheet, the beauty of the dream. We don't make use of anything already existing for we do nothing at all, all day long, and you call us "lazy fucks". We laze around... and you call us "bums". We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us "unproductive". You build factories, you hire employees, you pollute, fire people and lie to us, yet we're the unproductives.
Yes I am a unproductive. My crime is that of sloth. My crime is that of sleeping in front of people whatever they say and think and whatever they look like. My crime is that of living an easy life, something that you will never forgive me for.
I am a slacker, and this is my manifesto. You may make this individual work, but you can't hire us all...after all, we're all alike.